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    大度是一種胸懷

    發布于:2018-12-01 10:54  ┊ 閱讀  ┊  人參與  ┊ 文 / 叔洪

      在人的一生中在乎的事太多,而每個人最在乎的恐怕就是名聲了,潔身自好就是維護名聲的最好的證明,與此相對應的是趨炎附勢,這是兩種截然不同的做人態度。

      趨炎附勢一般多用于厚顏無恥的勢利小人,雖然不在乎名聲的好壞,但卻在乎自己的地位和勢力。只要自己合適,一切都可以拋擲腦后,只要自己能活得舒服,為達目的會不擇手段地陷害他人,致他人之死地而后快,不惜親手制造而問心無愧。

      潔身自好是一個贊美詞,意在為了維護自己的名聲,保持一個完美的形象而刻意的嚴格要求自己。潔身自好以不做有損于自己形象或人格的事情,永保自己正值和情操上的高尚本色為出發點。這在做人上本無可厚非。任何事情都有兩面性,潔身自好這個成語并非完美無缺。潔身自不必說,自好卻有強調或展示個人性格特性的一面。細思之,在贊美之中似乎嗅出些不同的味道,有一種說不清道不明的含意在其中,給人的感覺:里面好像隱藏著一種略帶有孤僻的成分,與老百姓常說的那種不好交往有某些聯系,亦或是一種過于苛刻而使自己被孤立的特性。

      在這里,并非斷章取義,更不是把一個詞硬生生的割裂開來理解,而是在這個成語中的確包含了這么一層意思在其中,不得不令你往哪方面去思考或琢磨。在當今十分開放的社會中,交際或攻關是一種常態。社會越進步彼此間的聯系和合作就越廣泛而重要,每一個人不再是一個孤立的個體,過于嚴格的要求自己進而以己對人,便會被孤立而與社會脫節或隔離。

      社會和經濟的發展,必然導致人財物的大流通,這就不得不使彼此間都有著密不可分的,或千絲萬縷的聯系。合作的密切使孤軍奮戰的成功率越來越低,不得不走出家門或那個封閉的小空間,竭力的四處尋求多方面的協作或支持,已達到利益的最大化。由此而言,既然是一個社會人,就離不開與人的交往和交流,一切都需在溝通中達成共識,這就形成彼此間的必然而緊密的合作,從而完成難以獨立完成的項目或事業,這就是協作或組合。

      在當今身處世象繽紛的社會中,人財物都是處于大流通的周轉和運行中,流通和運作必不可分,孤軍奮戰無疑是自己在給自己設計一個又一個的障礙,把通向成功的路一步一步的堵死。

      良好的人際關系是事業成功必要和必備條件,在不能或不善交往的行為中,“潔身自好”表現和流露出來的,帶有一種拒人以千里之外的態度,這就設置了叫障礙,盡管是極其單薄的,但卻不能完全去除,難免不被孤立。不管怎么說,在潔身自好這種褒義的成分背后,客觀上導致了孤僻的成分摻雜其中,讓人產生一種躲避的心理。

      潔身自好對從政者來說,絕對是一種值得稱道的品行,但如果是搞工商企業的就有點自我固囿的意思了。不善交往在某種情況下就是固步自封,則蘊含著一種把自己有意或無意的封閉起來的特性。這是不是一種性格上的缺陷,盡管這種缺陷是不明顯的,卻是有意而為之的,但在當今社會中,不善交往就是一種能力的缺失。交往用現在時髦的話來說就是溝通,溝通不暢的人一般都是情商低于智商的典型標志。

      水至清則無魚,人至廉則無徒。太過于嚴格要求自己的人,必也習慣性的以嚴苛要求別人,他們的眼里是不揉沙子。以己之性格或嗜好要求別人是人的特性,屬正常的心理特征。其表現則是,用要求自己的標準去要求別人,這不免有點強人所難了。世上沒有兩片完全相同的雪花,也沒有性格完全同樣的兩個人。人和人不同,嚴格要求自己絕對沒錯,嚴格要求別人也是一種愛護,但不可太過,所謂物極必反,過猶不及,彈簧壓得太緊會斷掉。

      同樣一件事,甲認為極其正常,乙則看作反常。每個人的能力不同,同樣一件事,你做得到別人并不一定能做得到;每個人的觀點不一樣,你認為有道理的事兒別人未必就認可。形而上學則一層不變,過于太死板,非此即彼,不留余地,這本身就是極端。不管是對自己或是對他人,太過嚴刻就有點過分了。

      事情沒有一成不變的,運動是萬物的規律。大事講原則,小事講靈活,一件事有多種解決的辦法或途徑,只要不違背原則即可。眼里不揉沙子的性格說起來好聽,其中也有些別人的溢美之意。嫉惡如仇、水火不融、油鹽不進是否有相同之處。死板固執是否可與茅房的石頭——又臭又硬,相提并論?

      好無絕對的好,絕對之好是不是就意味著壞?物極必反,所謂否定之否定就是肯定,那肯定之肯定是否還是肯定呢?這要看你怎么理解了。不管什么事都一本正經的苛刻的嚴格要求自己,又苛刻的嚴格要求別人,這里既有與自己過不去,又有包括與別人過不去的成分。拒人于千里之外,在某種程度上來說,就是斷絕了自己與外界的交往之路。寧折不彎未必就是做人的唯一選擇,或處事的唯一方法,能折能彎就是對此的明顯否定。

      人無完人,金無足赤。世界上沒有絕對的絕對,有的只是相對的絕對。從古至今,包括古今中外所有的偉大人物,誰敢說他身上沒有一點缺點。世界上根本就沒有完全正確而沒有一點偏差的人。完美是一種愿望或期盼,屬于理想,現實中卻極少見到。每個人的身上或多或少的都存在一些缺點,有弱點在所難免。

      縱觀歷史,有過于潔身自好性格之弱點的人,其下場一般都不是很好,他們剛烈的性格往往會遭受打擊、報復,甚至于被一些小人所陷害,善始善終者寥寥無幾。這種性格的剛強也就是最容易被一些市儈小人所利用的弱點,成為被攻擊的對象。而這種性格的人一旦遭受打擊也不會低頭,更不會低三下四的去求人或討好,而給自己求得一條生路。寧肯站著死,絕不坐著生。看似剛烈,實則也有呆傻可愛的一面。

      一身正氣,廉潔自律是永遠被提倡和被學習的榜樣,既然如此,卻又為什么會成為某些人的眼中釘肉中刺呢?那是因為有那么多專門睜大眼睛去找別人的缺點或不足,剜著心眼的去干那種雞蛋里挑骨頭的勢利小人,在他們心里把能干的人打倒,站在被打倒的人身上,就會凸顯他們的高,為爬的更高而墊了臺階。那些被勢利小人陷害或打倒的人身上,必定也存有這樣或那樣的缺點或錯誤,給那些勢利小人以可揪的小辮子,他們便有了打倒或陷害你的借口,這也從反面證明了人無完人之說的正確性。

      專愛干雞蛋里挑骨頭之事的人就是故意找茬,找不到茬他們就難受。不把你至于死地,他便死無葬身之處,只有把你這眼中釘拔掉了,他的日子才會過的安生。你在那里擋著他的道,他絕不會就那么窩著或等死。瞪大眼睛,手拿放大鏡,時時處處在尋找你的毛病,并以此來作為打擊你的借口。他們為什么這么做,很簡單:如果不把你搞臭了怎么顯得出他來,如果不把你搞下去他又怎么會上得來。不把你整死你緩過手來整我怎么辦,這叫以絕后患。

      別人遭陷害后被整趴下,整人的人問心無愧而得意洋洋。洋洋自得是為了掩飾心虛,自己有多高的水平自己心里最清楚,騙得了別人騙不了自己。他們不怕嘲笑,什么騙人不騙人的,騙人騙己也是一種本事。只要對自己有利,不管是誰都要騙,即便那是親娘老子也毫不含糊的定騙不移。騙還是好的,該踩的時候就踩,踩不倒就踹,踹不倒就打,直到把你打的再也爬不起來為止。

      心虛的人為什么會這樣,說好聽的是嫉妒,說露骨一些叫置人于死地而后快。不治死你還行,給你留口氣那是傻瓜才會干的事兒,一但你翻過身來還能有我的好果子吃嗎。你知道哪塊云彩會下雨,連咸魚都能翻身,何況一個有頭有腦的大活人,要治就弄死你,絕不給你任何翻身的機會。把別人致于死地的目的是為了提高自己。可他們為什么要這么干:心虛。為什么會心虛,因為他是庸才。貪得無厭之人,占著茅坑拉不出來屎,他的心能不虛嗎,他每天提心吊膽的既怕被能耐大的人替代,更怕被別人揭穿。

      心虛的人雖沒有真才實學,但卻有其他的本事,不僅擅長更有絕招:我是武大郎,我開的店我說了算,你非要進來先把身高削下去一塊,否則把你的腿打折也行,隨便你選一種,否則躲得遠遠的。別問我有多大能耐,在我的手下就得聽我的,是猛虎你得趴著,是強龍你得盤著,不然就讓你好看。

      這就是心虛人的特點,他最怕的就是別人比他強,你比我有本事,你看的起我嗎,我管的了你嗎?心虛的人總怕別人搶了他的地位,為了保住地位,就不擇手段的去攻擊或陷害別人,把你整倒了,我就穩當了。不怕賊搶,就怕賊惦記。心虛者每天想著“自我保護”,手法花樣翻新,屢試屢爽,古今中外沒人能夠逃脫的了。管你惡毒不惡毒,瞄準目標,絕不手軟,百發百中。

      心虛的人攻擊和陷害別人的本事絕對是一流的高手。惡狗才會咬人,因為它咬不過比它厲害的狗,轉而對準軟弱的人。真正厲害的狗別說咬人,平時連叫都不叫,路遇不平必定出嘴。好狗的牙齒之所以不咬人,沒人敢惹何必惹人。

      仔細想想,不要把自己的名聲看得太重,看太重會活得很累,有些事也不必太認真,尤其不要較真,很多較真都是自己跟自己在較勁兒,不管結果如何,最難受的還是你自己。你有你做人的原則,不要把你的原則強加于他人身上,即便強加,別人也不一定接受。己所不欲勿施于人,難道己所欲的就要強加于人嗎,別人不接受同樣行不通。

      想開一些,放開一些,看淡一些,坦蕩一些,嚴于律己,寬于待人,總比以己對人要好得多。

      一個人要大度,大度是一種胸懷。

      

    責任編輯:池墨 作者文集 作者聲明
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