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    不要輕意地否定自己

    發布于:2019-04-29 11:33  ┊ 閱讀  ┊  人參與  ┊ 文 / 叔洪


      太過于相信自己有時候會適得其反,得到事與愿違的結果。這里并非駭人聳聞,因為人在很多時候,對很多事情是不能看透的,尤其是在沖動的時候更是如此。

      人的認識是有局限性的,很多事情的內在往往又隱藏起來,這就容易出現分析和判斷上的失誤。不管什么事兒都有雙重性,所謂有一利必有一弊。于是在看到有利的一面的同時,很多人會忽略有害的一面,這就是人的局限性。正所謂沒有百分百的正確或滿意。

      孔老夫子被稱為圣人,也有誤會別人的時候。

      “孔子窮乎陳、蔡之間,藜羹不斟,七日不嘗粒,晝寢。顏回索米,得而焚之,幾熟。孔子望見顏回攫取其甑中而食之。選間,食熟,謁孔子而進食。孔子佯為不見之。孔子起曰:“今者夢見先君,食潔而后饋。”顏回對曰:“不可。向者煤室入甑中,棄食不詳,回攫而飯之。”孔子曰:“所信者目也,而目猶不可信;所恃者心也,而心猶不足恃。弟子記之,知人固不易矣。”

      圣人尚且如此,何況我們亦凡人。在這里告訴了我們一個道理,那就是在事情的事實沒搞清前,不要輕易的下結論或做出決定。

      一個人最應該相信的人是自己,如果連自己都不相信了,那真的是在這個世界上沒有一個可以相信的人了。但是當一個人的眼睛和心靈被蒙蔽的時候,也就失去了辨別是非的能力。這就要求我們,要時時保持清醒的頭腦,擦亮自己的眼睛,讓我們的心智永遠處于明朗且清醒的狀態中。

      生活在社會中的人都是要與人交往的,與你相處的人中有多少是可以信賴的,包括自己的親人和與你關系最密切的人。傷害你最厲害的人往往是你認為最親近的人,出賣你的人也往往也是最最信任的人。不是他們傷害和出賣你,而是你沒看清他們的面目。人本來就應該相信自己,相信到絕不會懷疑的程度。然而事實并非如此。在很多情況下,受外界的影響,思想和看法是會改變的,后一分鐘會對前一分鐘的判斷或想法提出質疑,甚至否定。其結果大相徑庭。

      仔細想想,這并不奇怪,因為人的思想都是在復雜的事情面前很難分清是非,會產生復雜的想法,讓你難以決斷,因而會被某些表面的現象迷惑后而被誤導。人的思想發展到連自己都不相信的程度的時候,會把你陷入極度的恐慌之中,也會讓某些人失去底線。

      人為什么會有這種讓自己或其他人感到奇怪甚至驚恐的情況發生,這還真不是一兩句話就可以說清楚的事情。人之初性本善,然而這善良的“性”只限于還不懂事的娃娃,童言無忌,所以他們的靈魂是純潔的。在娃娃長大成人的過程中,隨著接觸社會的增多,思想必然會變得復雜,能否繼續甚至永遠保持這種純真和善良,絕對應該可以打上一個極大的問號的。

      人之初之所以善良,究其原因還是他們不懂事,也就是還沒接觸到人性惡的一面,純真和單純占據主流。他們不知道人生路上處處有險灘,到處是陰謀,不知道前面有那么多的兇險在等著,所以心中無畏懼,這就是“初生牛犢不怕虎”。一旦他們長大成人,一旦他們經常的接觸到人性惡的一面,他們那本善良的“性”還會不會永久的保持嗎?不懂事的時候,人性是沒有區別的,大腦統統都是一片空白,在成長中被很多的人隨意的涂抹,不知道在那張潔白的紙上都畫了些什么千奇百怪的圖案,既看不出橫豎,更看不到撇捺,分不出是非,乃至連自己都不相信自己了。

      今天你在路上遇到了一個在路上徘徊的孩子,你一看就知道這是一個迷路的孩子。你毫不猶豫地走到他身邊,費勁周折終于問清了他(她)的家庭住址,并不辭辛苦地把他(她)送回家中。在你心中只很簡單的認為這是一件應該去做的事,很多人也會說做了一件好事。可是令你沒有想到的是,在你剛剛走出他的家門的時候,卻聽到孩子的媽媽對孩子說“你怎么就跟著他走呢,他要是個人販子怎么辦,把你拐走了,就再也見不到爸爸媽媽了——記住了,以后不要跟著陌生的人走,明白了嗎?”

      你悻悻的走在回家的路上,先前那些為自己做了一件好事而高興的勁兒頭一掃而光。令你沒想到的是,回到家中跟愛人一說,非但沒有得到妻子的安慰,反而又被埋怨了一頓“你是不是吃飽了撐的,你是不是傻啊,沒事不回家瞎管哪家子的閑事兒,你睜開眼看看,大馬路上扶一個被車撞的人讓人家一下子給訛上了,花冤枉錢不說,還落個道德敗壞的名聲。”

      愛人說的是事實,的確出過這種事兒,而且絕不止一起。仔細想想后卻覺得,這做好事未必能得到好的結果。之所以會出現這種反常的現象,原因就在于這件好事做的有點不一定為人所認同,說不定本身就讓人起疑信,更何況“人心不古”,“好心不得好報”古已有之。

      雖然聽到了閑言碎語讓你不高興,但正義之聲卻在你耳邊回響,在心中涌動,你又反復地琢磨,假如她的孩子因為你發現而未管,孩子因不認識路經未能如愿地回到自己的家中,卻又恰巧遇到了拐賣人口的人而被拐賣。家長知道了你曾看到過孩子而不管,必定埋怨你沒有愛心,甚至于把孩子丟失的一切原因都歸結于你的頭上。

      毋庸置疑,這種情況是極有可能出現的,懷疑你的意圖是不言自明的。即便是這次你把孩子送回家中目的不是為了拐騙,說不定在別人的眼里,這就是你成心設置的一個障眼法,目的是為了下一次行騙做鋪墊,以便順利的實施下一次更大的陰謀。如此這一想,你還會保持住那么冷靜嗎,會不會把自己嚇出一身的冷汗。

      何必草木皆兵的自己嚇唬自己,要絕對的相信自己,更要相信好人是占絕大多數的。相信自己是純潔的,別人懷疑你的這種純結只是他心中的骯臟所致。不要把自己想的太單純,更不要把別人想得太復雜。對于該做的,尤其是對他人有益的事兒,不要猶豫,就應堅持著去做。一顆老鼠屎雖然能壞一鍋湯,而你能因噎忌食嗎?顯然是不可能的。能掉到鍋里的老鼠屎總歸是極少數的,其比例完全可以不計,不必草木皆兵。

      人比人得死,貨比貨得扔。樹林子大了嘛鳥都有。你以為是好意,很可能別人以為你的好意是別有用心。那都是別人的事,何必在意。不要用自己的想法去衡量別人,更不能去刻意地用自己的觀點或標準去要求他人,人與人是有區別的。不要以為自己所做的事問心無愧,別人就沒有理由或不會指責你;更不要把別人你想得太壞,不會對你的義舉表示支持,要相信絕大多數人是善良的,是會主持正義的。“心底無私天地寬”,只要問心無愧,何必去在意。

      不認識路的時候,站在十字路口,誰都不知道誰會走進那個路口,何去何從是自己的選擇,別人無法強迫。當你選擇了一個路口的時候,而且自認為是十分正確的,自己只管邁步,但你不要喊著別人與你同行,即便是真的有人愿意與你同行,你也應該向他講明前面有可能是坦途,更有可能遇到陷阱。

      不要過分地相信自己,并不是懷疑自己,而是要明白,你認為對的,很有可能被別人懷疑或指責。猜忌是人的一種本能,因猜忌而導致懷疑,因猜忌產生誤會順理成章。懷疑誤會甚至因此而遭到陷害均未可知。管好自己的言行,找對自己要走的路,不要干預別人走的路。

      天上下雪的時候把自己家門前的雪掃凈,讓自己和路過的人都方便,放心的出行就可以了。至于別人家門前是否有雪,有時間就幫一下,沒時間也沒辦法。別人家門前的雪掃與不掃與你無關,管束好自己的言行就已經很文明了。河邊無青草,如果長了青草必定引來多嘴的驢。驢是靠吃草生存的,不吃草它會被餓死,怎么能說它吃草是多嘴呢。即便你不是為了這驢專門種的青草,它非要伸出嘴來啃上幾口,而且是義無反顧的必定下嘴,你又能如何。

      在這里,我倒不是對人性的懷疑,更不敢去質疑,主要是現在社會上充斥著太厲害的傳說,讓人們本應絕對相信的事卻不得不去產生懷疑,而對某些事情又拿不出駁斥的理由,又不敢提出質疑而不相信。究其原因,孰是孰非誰又敢下結論。假話傳三遍就變成了真話,這倒不是最可怕的,可怕的是你不具備那種分辨能力。最令人可怕的是,有時候說真話反倒不讓人相信。真話傳三遍就會添油加醋,使原有的味道大變。變樂味便會有人產生懷疑,而這種懷疑是有傳染性的,其危害可想而知了。

      這種傳染性的危害之大絕對不可小覷。

      有一條我們要牢記,那就是:如果我們每個人都不說假話,這世界上也就沒有假話了……

      二〇一七年十月三十日

      

    責任編輯:胡俊月 作者文集 作者聲明
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