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    被迫讀書

    發布于:2019-06-07 12:26  ┊ 閱讀  ┊  人參與  ┊ 文 / 黎明

      我從小生活在一個工人家庭,父母在一個近千余人的大工廠里上班,每天在機器的聒噪聲里起早貪黑,年復一年。我記得父親的雙手總是布滿老繭,充斥著機油難聞的氣味,母親的頭上總是白花花落滿灰塵。因為工作環境差工作時間長,母親身體漸漸不好,經常感冒咳嗽,還是拖著病體堅持上班。她害怕丟了飯碗靠父親一人養不活一家人。所以,母親深信讀書可以改變命運。她希望我通過讀書不再生活在最底層過苦日子,能通過自己的努力過上好日子。

      愿望是美好的,母親的一些做法我卻不贊同。我們讀書的時候,我只有語文和數學兩本書。母親用舊報紙把這兩本書包得嚴嚴實實,她說:“這兩本書要好好讀,全部搞明白。老師要求讀熟的必須背誦,老師要求背誦的必須默寫。”我在昏暗的煤油燈下,在母親的逼迫下,讀了一遍又一遍,寫了一遍又一遍,一直寫到頭昏眼發花沉沉睡去,母親才放手。第二天,周而復始重蹈覆轍,我覺得我的童年枯燥而無趣,對母親也是怨聲載道。

      公雞還沒啼鳴,母親已經起了床,她梳洗完畢就來叫醒我。我睡眼朦朧,母親的語氣卻不容置疑:“快起來讀書,早上記性好。”我的小方桌上,母親已經把語文書打開,旁邊還放了一杯冒著熱氣的白開水。我支撐著讀了兩句,就開始眼皮打架,呵欠連天。母親時時過來瞄幾眼,她說:“早起的鳥兒有蟲吃,你這樣堅持下去,將來一定有出息!”母親讀書不多,她固執地認為只有把所有的時間都拿來讀書,才能考第一名,才能上好大學。那時候,我和母親一點也不親,是貓和老鼠的關系,她來了我就佯裝假作地讀書,她走了我悄悄打盹,或者折紙。因為,我覺得母親已經忘了我還是個孩子,還需要休息和快樂。畢竟,那一本語文書,我已經讀得爛熟于心。

      擁有一本課外書,是我夢寐以求的。那時候,班上有一些家庭條件比較好的同學,或者獨生子女,他們一般都擁有一本或者好幾本課外書。擁有課外書,等于自己有資源,如果自己的書看完了就可以和別人交換看。而我,一本也沒有,只能遠遠地看著別人津津有味地讀,心里充滿了羨慕和郁悶。有一次,母親讓我去打醬油,我拿著剩下的一角二分錢,竟鬼使神差地走進了一家小書店,竟自作主張買了一本《小學生天地》。回家的路上,我的心象揣著一只小兔怦怦直跳,回家怎么交代?暴風驟雨終究還是來了,母親拿著笤帚,滿屋三間地追打我,還罰跪。肉體的疼痛我還能忍受,只是默默祈禱母親不要把書退還回去。這本薄薄的《小學生天地》,還算不上一本書,一本期刊雜志,終于還是保留了下來。也許母親后來想通了,買書總比買東西吃了犯的錯誤小。我有書啦!我歡呼雀躍,我拿著這本《小學生天地》,竟然前前后后和同學交換看了二十幾本課外書。膝蓋上的傷已經結了痂,我從課外書上獲得的知識營養已經融入了我的骨髓和血液,我真是賺大了。

      既然不能和小朋友玩,既然不能違逆母親,我只有強迫自己把目光集中到書本上來。多少次,我被關在自己的小房間里,默默讀書,寫字。我聽到院子里有嬉鬧聲,小朋友在跳皮筋,丟手絹。我悄悄從窗簾縫里瞄出去,又擔心母親在門縫里瞄我。母親會進我的房間,一會兒端來一杯豆漿,一會兒遞來一個雞蛋。她以關心的名義看看我是否鉆到書本里去了。院子里的小朋友聲音大了點,她就露出嫌惡的表情,甚至不留情面地跑出去追趕。院子里安靜了,母親絮絮叨叨:“自己不好好讀書,還打擾別人,一個一個沒出息的家伙!”

      我嘗試著從書本中找樂趣。當我真正地走進書本,讀書不再是被母親逼迫不得已的行為時,我發現我真的找到了樂趣。我讀了叔本華的哲學書,他告訴我人生就是一場修行,酸澀多于甜美,月缺才是常態。我讀了林清玄的散文,他提醒我“在幸福中品味幸福,在痛苦中覺醒痛苦,在煩惱中關照煩惱,在悲哀中超越悲哀”,我讀了民國才女張愛玲的自傳,了解了她有一個心如毒蝎的后母,我的母親也苛責嚴厲,但和她的后母比起來,真是小巫見大巫了,暗自慶幸自己還很幸福。

      廣泛閱讀讓我的語文成績直線上升,我考進了語言類的大學,順利當上了老師。當我坐在明亮的辦公室里批閱作業時,當炎炎夏日來臨而我享受著暑假時,當學生簇擁著著喊我老師時,我的幸福感油然而生。回想讀書的歷程,母親曾經凌厲的眼神也變得可愛起來。若不是母親曾經逼迫我讀書,我怎么能順利考上大學有穩定的工作呢?父親母親工作的大廠在他們臨近退休的時候破了產,生活頓時沒了著落。因為有我在,母親還不至于驚惶失措。小時候,母親是我的天,現在,母親老了,她相信我也能撐起天空,讓她有一個幸福的晚年。

      我現在也當了母親,我的兒子還小,他對讀書還很懵懂,也不喜歡讀書。現在條件好了,各種各樣的書都有,他一定不會因為買了書而挨打。但是培養讀書的興趣卻是一個漫長的過程。我會陪著他讀書,甚至逼迫他讀書,和我母親一樣。但是,我會考慮用一種比較溫柔的方式。比如獎勵呀,交流呀,比賽呀,牽著他走上讀書的軌道,穩定從容地走好自己的人生路。

      謹以此文緬懷曾經被迫讀書的日子,感謝母親的生育養育教育之恩!


      

    責任編輯:胡俊月 作者文集 作者聲明
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