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    校園舊事

    發布于:2019-06-14 21:50  ┊ 閱讀  ┊  人參與  ┊ 文 / 野老

      話說二十世紀八十年代中后期,也不知道是那位大人一高興,把國家教育部改成了國家教育委員會,簡稱叫國家教委,省教育廳、地市縣區的教育局也都一夜之間變成了教委。呵呵,列位看官明白啊,這是換湯不換藥的事兒,只是換了個名字的營生。而最讓人不可理解的是,在各個鄉鎮又設了一個鄉鎮教委,嘖嘖嘖,你說這改革咋就越改越臃腫了呢?縣市區的教委管著鄉鎮中小學多順手啊,咋得偏要再硬弄上一個鄉鎮教委橫在中間呢?真是老話說得妙啊,畫長蟲還要再畫上腳哩,這叫啥來著?對對對,叫著畫蛇添足哩。

      列位看官,今日所講這校園舊事,就是發生在那個年代里的事情,呵呵,你慢慢往下瞧吧。

      富水河畔的梨鄉很有名兒,這兒產的把兒梨極富盛名。在大清宣統帝沒倒臺之前,梨鄉的把兒梨全都運進了京城的宮廷里去了,普通的布衣草民想著嘗嘗這梨味兒,那是做夢娶媳婦的事兒。你道為啥?呵呵,告訴你吧,只因那產把兒梨的地兒太少,只有三四畝地大,那地方緊靠著富水河下游,千百年來河水沖積而成,土質為油沙淤泥,滋潤而肥沃,產出的把兒梨甘甜醇美,吃一口能爽到屁股眼兒。改革開放這幾十年來,梨鄉方圓百里都栽植梨樹,所產把兒梨一律標稱“富水梨鄉梨”,可見我們的同胞們造假販假的能力與智慧,是多么地偉大啊,假如這方面也評啥子諾貝爾獎,保準沒他奶奶的歐美人的份兒。

      閑話少敘,書歸正傳。

      這梨鄉的教育界與全縣一樣,但同其他周邊縣市區就截然不同了。周邊縣市區的鄉鎮教委,是聾子的耳朵,鄉鎮教委主任與中、小學校長平級,也就是個正股級吧,鄉鎮教委無權任命學校干部,也沒人事調動權,更不負責中小學的教育教學工作,只管吃喝玩樂,養了一班閑人而已。而梨鄉所在的這縣卻斷然不是這樣,它的鄉鎮教委的權力大著呢,鄉鎮中、小學的經濟權教委說了算,該買啥不該買啥,一律由鄉鎮教委拍板;鄉鎮中、小學的校長、副校長、主任、副主任等等的任命,教師在本鄉鎮的人事變動,都由鄉鎮教委說了算。呵呵,說穿了,鄉鎮教委主任在本鄉鎮教育界是一手遮天,想怎么著就怎么著,只要不得罪鄉鎮黨委書記、鄉鎮長和縣教委主任,這天下他就坐定了,這教育界的土皇帝他就當定了!無怪乎新世紀初國家治理教育亂收費時,別的縣市區捉的都是中小學校長,這兒卻一下子捉了十一個鄉鎮教委主任呢。

      話說付校長付有才自從上任梨鄉中心小學校長后,就一直沒提起精神頭兒,就因為學校副校長鄭小文!媽媽的,這鄭小文他姓啥不好呢,咋就偏偏要姓鄭?再說了,這付姓老祖宗他當年姓啥不行,咋就偏要姓付呢?靠,真他媽的倒了八輩子的血楣了!

      明眼人一瞧就知道付有才校長上的哪門子火!

      學校里來人了,說是要找校長,值班的干事問:“你找哪個校長?”來人就說:“我找正校長。”于是,干事把人領到了鄭小文校長那兒去了。偏偏這鄭小文副校長又好裝大人,打腫了臉充胖子,該他答復的事兒他敢答復,不該他答復的事兒,他還敢答復,弄得付有才校長很是不高興,特別地相當地不高興!媽媽的,你鄭小文是校長,還是我付有才是校長?咋地老是不知自己是老幾呢?蠢豬一頭啊!付校長真真是憤憤然、然憤憤。

      付有才校長年方三十有六,中不溜兒的身材,隆起的啤酒肚子,比那婦人六七個月的身孕還要扎眼兒。生就了一張典型的瓜子臉兒,只不過這張臉兒,你卻要倒過來看才算那么回事兒,厚厚的大嘴唇子上邊趴著一蒜頭鼻子,那雙小三楞子眼兒眨眨巴巴,神氣活現的。偏偏他又極好擺架子,整天兒腆著個肚子背著雙手兒邁四方步兒,嚴肅得就跟死了爹娘老子似的,唯恐人家不知他是個校長,說起話兒來,全是打官腔,嗯嗯啊啊的,讓人聽半天也不知他嚷嚷的是些啥東西。據消息靈通人士透露說,付校長見了梨鄉的黨委書記、鎮長、縣教委主任,說話也清楚了,撅腚哈腰的,就跟那哈趴狗兒似的。

      列位看官要說了,哈,付有才這副德性,莫不是真的有才才當上校長吧?錯矣,大錯矣付校長的發達,是有一番說道的。付校長二十多歲時畢業于半島都市師范大學,分配到梨鄉中學教數學來了,這數學教得還算是有點人模狗樣兒的,奮斗了八九年,也是祖墳上沒冒青煙兒。更因為長像有點愁死畫匠氣死描匠的,連個正式吃皇糧的媳婦兒也沒搗鼓到手兒,眼見著到了而立之年,還是磕得那根棍兒吧兒吧兒地響,將他同辦公室的幾個慈善的老教師都愁得長吁短噓的沒咒兒念了。天無絕人之路,老天爺是決不會餓死沒眼兒的家雀的,這不,有一天付有才突然宣布他要結婚了,準新娘子是梨鄉中心幼兒院的教師司馬燕!

      司馬燕是梨鄉司馬官家莊人,二十六七歲的年紀,人長得特有點意思。你從后邊看:赤耳的短發,發型梳弄得很有型,染成微紅色;足有一米七幾的身條兒,細細的小蠻腰兒,翹翹的屁股蛋子,修長的雙腿兒,走起路來那是標準的貓步兒,令女人們嫉妒得要死,令男人們想入非非。你再從前邊看:一身兒合體的藍色或黑色西裝,胸峰高挺;周正白皙的方臉盤上,布滿了星星點點的蒼蠅屎,大概是遮丑的緣故,一副大號的茶色眼鏡長年罩在臉上,特像當年搞暗殺那國民黨的女特務。有好事者給編了一段順口溜說:“司馬燕,好身段。從后看,饞死人;從前看,嚇死人;想一想,氣死人。”就這么一位從農村出來到鎮上當幼兒教師的姑娘,心高氣傲,一心想飛出山窩窩,嫁個吃皇糧的國家人兒,來個鯉魚跳龍門,啥子社辦廠的工人、民辦教師之類的,小伙兒再怎么酷怎么帥,她都是牙根兒就沒瞧得上,因而一來二去的,她就到了二十六七歲了。突然有一天,村里一位在鎮上教小學的女老師給她和付有才牽了紅線兒,王八眼兒對綠豆,估摸著兩人前世有緣,兩個月后兩人走進了婚姻的殿堂,用現在年青人的說法這叫閃婚。

      司馬燕婚后給付有才生了個兒子,生了孩子后的司馬燕不但體型沒變得臃腫,反而更加富有韻味兒了,增一分則胖,減一分則瘦,這大概就是人們常說的少婦風韻吧?這種妖嬈風韻,能把看見性感女人就流哈拉子的騷男人活活饞個半死。

      時間已進入了九十年代中期,司馬燕被一紙調令調進了梨鄉鎮教委,不僅分管全鎮的幼兒教育,做著鎮教委的會計,而且成為了正式民辦教師。呵呵,看官,你千萬別心思著是付有才想法設法的結果啊,付有才那時還在梨鄉中學教他的角A等于角B呢,純小菜一碟哩,這可是司馬燕自身的優勢顯示出來的輝煌成就啊!

      原來梨鄉鎮新調來一位教委主任,大號喚作胡慶國,外號人叫他“胡造作”,你道為啥呢?這家伙仗著有點背景兒,不管調到哪個鄉鎮干教委主任,第一,是天天泡在飯店里吃喝,這不來梨鄉鎮前,給另一個鄉鎮教委又拉下了四十萬的饑荒;第二,特好與漂亮性感的女教師交朋友,有人傳話說被他睡過的女教師能有一個連,因而他還有個外名叫作“連長”。這“胡連長”來到梨鄉鎮教委,第一天視察中學,第二天視察小學,第三天視察幼兒園,笫四天就把司馬燕調進了鎮教委,可見這“胡連長”想吃這熱豆腐的心是多么地著急啊!

      呵呵,后來,付有才被提升為梨鄉鎮中學的教導主任,一年后就調任梨鄉鎮中心小學的校長任上了。知道內情的人背地里說,付有才能做校長,不是他有才,而是他老婆司馬燕太有才了。甭管是誰有才,人家付有才就是梨鄉中心小學堂堂的校長,這是一點都不含糊的營生啊!

      付校長回到家里,把自己的煩惱說給老婆聽,要求司馬燕在胡主任面前吹吹風兒,把鄭小文調到下邊學區小學去,省得這個王八蛋在自己面前搗亂窮得瑟。司馬燕回來回話說,胡主任也不敢動鄭小文,因為鄭小文表弟的小舅子就是梨鄉鎮的鎮長。付校長只好長嘆一聲,打掉了牙往肚子里咽,啞吧吃黃連有苦難言啊,媽媽的,你鄭小文為啥偏偏有個表弟的小舅子當鎮長呢?天不助我也!付校長難受得真像是死了爹娘老子。

      付有才校長的確是有些才的,比方說在向“胡連長”學習方面,不僅能學會吃喝,更學會了交女朋友。付校長把學校一個吳姓老師安在師訓站當站長,這吳老師是一個三十多歲的豐滿少婦,老公是個海員,常年在大洋上漂泊著。去飯店吃飯,或是外出公干,付校長都是要吳站長陪同,就像“胡連長”有司馬燕陪同一樣,說說笑笑,親密無間,不知情的人都把他們當作兩口子哩。

      一天,付校長靈感一閃,計上心來,他把門衛、干事們都召集到校長室。這幾個勤雜人員畢恭畢敬地站著,付校長挺了將軍肚兒,背著雙手,高揚著頭,邁著四方步兒,在這幾人面前踱了四五個來回,最后落坐在大寫字臺后面的真皮老板椅子上,開腔了:“今兒,咹,叫你們來,咹,是有重要的事情的,是吧,特意給你們開個會!”付校長轉轉他那特有型的腦袋,眨巴眨巴那雙小三楞子眼兒,嚴肅地掃了那幾個人一眼,繼續說道,“今日開會嘛,咹,就是傳達我的最新指示,咹,就是這個,這個,咹,今后如果再有人來學校找校長,咹,再不要問人家是找正校長還是找副校長了,咹,要問他是找一把手還是二把手,咹,一定記住了!問清是找幾把手,咹,我是學校的一把手,鄭副校長是二把手,一把手是一把手,二把手是二把手,它是堅決不一樣的,咹,記住了嗎?”幾個勤雜人員唯唯諾諾地表示記住了校長的指示了。呵呵,您別說,付校長這一著兒,還就真是有特效啊,從此以后,再沒發生弄亂了正副校長的事兒。

      付校長本就不抽煙,特煩抽煙的,開會時甭管教師還是領導,一律不準抽煙;飯桌上,只要官兒沒他大的,一概不準抽煙,要抽出去抽去,抽完你也就別再回來了。那個鄭小文副校長,偏偏又是個老煙鬼,只要有好的香煙,眼珠子就開始冒綠光,就跟酒鬼看見酒、色鬼看見妞沒啥子兩樣。如果是熟人,你拿盒好煙說:“叫聲爺,這煙就送你了!”他會毫不猶豫地叫你聲爺的,末了他又會說:“奶奶的,爺能吃還是能喝?”付有才校長本就煩鄭小文副校長的姓兒,煩他處事兒不知自己是老幾的德性,更煩他抽煙、饞煙那餓死鬼的窮樣子,因而能不與他往一塊湊是堅決不湊,能不讓他參加的飯局決不讓他參加!

      有一天,教育局召開小學正副校長、師訓站站長會議,散會后正是飯點兒。付校長、鄭副校長、吳站長三人來到縣城一家飯店,正巧碰上臨近鄉鎮小學校長等三人,其中那校長是付有才大學同學,于是付校長做東請客。席間,鄭小文實在忍不住煙癮的折磨,又碰巧布袋里沒了香煙,于是他便到柜臺上要了一盒“紅塔山”牌香煙,急急忙忙地在洗手間里過了一把煙癮。宴席散后,付校長去結帳時發現多出了10元錢的一包“紅塔山”煙錢,立馬找到鄭小文質問,在客人面前,鄭副校長被弄得下不來臺了,吭吭哧哧半天也沒說上一句囫圇話,臉紅脖子赤的。付校長如喪考妣地說:“你鄭副校長全是干這云山霧罩的事兒,咹,你要抽煙,你去買啊,咹,咋了這是?公家還得管著你抽煙啊?你還要不要臉?咹?”吳站長都聽不下去了,就偷偷扯付校長的衣襟。最后,付校長硬是讓鄭副校長掏出了10元錢才算了事了。后來,吳站長在被窩里悄悄問付有才說,那天是不是做得有點過了,付校長說過什么,鄭小文不知大小,奶奶的,他做了多少不該做的事兒,他心思著他是一把手嗎?就該整治那個王八蛋!

      這香煙風波剛過去三天,縣里又組織中小學領導干部去鄰縣參觀學習,各家自已找車單獨走。在回來的路上,大家討論起回去后如何把學到人家的經驗落實到工作中去,鄭副校長與付校長鬧了個瘸子的屁股兩扭,那些主任、副主任啥的小官兒們一聲不吭,只是在暗中偷笑這兩個家伙狗咬狗一嘴毛呢。

      付校長把頭一揚,三楞子小眼一眨巴,說:“你鄭副校長說這些做法,咹,全是些上不了臺面的,咹,那啥,咹,爛狗肉,咹,對對對,就是些爛狗肉!”

      “哎哎,付付……付校長,你你……你咋得這這……這樣子說話呢?”鄭小文被付校長在一車子人面前譏笑得下不來臺了,激動得結巴起來,“我我……我的是是……是爛狗肉,你你……你的是啥……啥子肉?”

      眾人都低下頭暗自偷笑,沒一人吭聲。司機看不下去了,對付校長說:“副校長,這就是你的不是了,你一個副校長,就該聽人家正校長的!”

      付校長一聽這話,氣不打一處來,怒聲道:“停車!”

      司機吱兒一聲,將車停在路邊上。

      付校長揚揚特有型的腦袋,眨巴幾下小三楞子眼兒,憤怒無比地向司機吼道:“你也不說話,誰還能把你當啞巴?咹,你咋知道我是是……是副校長?咹,告訴你,他才是副校長,我是正校長,一把手!”

      司機被付校長一頓夾七夾八地訓斥,弄了個自討沒趣兒,他是第一次被梨鄉小學總務主任雇來拉客掙錢的,只聽見人稱著付校長鄭校長的,牙根兒就不知誰是正校長誰是副校長,他只能把氣往肚子里咽,不敢再說啥了,別弄斷了剛找到的財路。

      鄭小文此刻也是一肚子的氣兒,他也沒地兒發,只能掏出香煙,剛摸出一支叼到嘴上,只聽付校長惡狠很地說:“要抽煙,下車抽去!”

      鄭小文拉面包車車門,下車后在點煙。付校長一把拉上車門,對司機吼道:“開車!”司機看一眼車下正喪氣地抽煙的鄭副校長,囁喏道:“他……”付校長瞪圓了三楞小眼兒說:“你是不想要錢了吧,咹?開車!”司機只好乖乖地起步、加油。吳站長悄悄地扯扯付校長的衣襟,付校長甩出一句:“奶奶的,活該,一個副校長,不知自己有多大!”

      幾個主任們抬起頭來偷偷往后車窗看去,鄭副校長正在拚命招手哩。

      年終,梨鄉鎮村委選舉結束,山泉莊江一帆當選村委主任。江主任的兒子江小帆在梨鄉鎮中心小學就讀,江主任一是為了兒子,二是為了表示尊重教育,三是為了顯擺一下,因而在鎮上“天天好”飯店擺了一桌子酒席,宴請中心小學一班領導和兒子的班主任。

      安排座位時,江一帆主任將付校長安排坐在他的左邊,坐二客;其他都安排完了,空出了頭客的座位——江一帆右邊的席位。付校長心想今天還有個高官吧,莫非是胡主任,還是鎮上的父母官兒?正當付校長心思之際,去廁所回來的鄭小文被江一帆主任熱情地請到一客的座位上!如果是換了別人,放眼一打量,是決不會坐下去的,可是偏偏這鄭副校長吃一百個豆子不知豆鮮氣兒,天生好這口兒,土地爺爺販山棗兒——楞裝是果業行的人兒,老是擺不正自己的位置,呵呵,他還就一屁股坐下去了。

      付校長那個氣啊,滿臉像下了一層霜似的,低下頭一言不發,心道:王八蛋,人家江主任不知內情,你也裝聾作瞎的,那一客的位子是你坐的嗎?奶奶的,你不是就覺得自己有個當鎮長的地瓜蔓兒親戚嗎!?學校其他小頭頭們知道今天要壞事兒,大氣不敢喘一口兒,也都低下頭去。

      菜上來了,酒也斟滿了,江一帆主任開場白的祝酒辭也表達完了,他邀請大家一起舉杯。付校長沒動手,只坐在那兒低著頭生悶氣;付校長不動手兒,小頭頭們也不敢動手兒,只是老老實實地坐著,低著頭不說話兒;只有鄭副校長滿面紅光,笑美美地響應著江主任舉起了杯子。江一帆一看不對勁兒,便問大家:“領導們,咋了,大家都不動手啊?”小頭頭們不自覺地一齊向付校長看去,江一帆這才看出點門道來。

      江一帆親自給付校長端起酒杯,恭敬地說;“呵呵,副校長,您請!”

      付有才校長這下子坐不住了,他站起來,并未接杯子,臉上的霜還未完住融化,他說:“江主任,你今天這客是咋安排的?原來我心思著還有啥大領導光臨哩,不想就這些人,啐,有您這……這這么安排的嗎?”

      江一帆楞了楞,說:“副校長,您是二把手,坐二客;正校長是一把手坐一客,有啥不妥嗎?”

      “很是不妥,相當不妥!”付校長激動起來,“告訴您江主任,我付有才是正校長,他鄭小文是副校長,我是一把手,他是二把手,他才應該坐二客!”付校長這一激動,臉上的霜是沒了,卻紅赤赤的,小眼兒也瞪圓了,三個楞兒也沒了。

      于是,江一帆主任重新安排席位,并一再表示歉意。

      付校長臉上云開日出,露出了笑意。

      小頭頭兒們也坐直了腰,也敢交頭接耳了。

      鄭副校長坐到二客位子上,一點也沒難為情,就跟啥也沒發生過似的,臉上還掛著笑

      吳站長說鄭副校長抽煙我不挨著你,站起來走過去挨著付校長坐了。

      宴席進行到一半時,鄭小文忘乎所以,掏出一枝煙剛送到嘴邊,只聽付校長威嚴地說:“抽煙的,出去抽!”于是,鄭副校長收起煙放到煙盒里又裝到口袋里,拿起筷子吃將起來,狼吞虎咽的。

      ……

      2004年,鄉鎮教委撤建制后,也不知道咋搞的,付校正成了真正的副校長,鄭小文卻成了正校長。付副校長對老婆司馬燕說,奶奶的,不就是鄭小文他表弟那當鎮長的小舅子當了縣教育局長嗎?哼……

      (完)

      

    責任編輯:胡俊月 作者文集 作者聲明
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